Embracing the change called Motherhood

“The joys of motherhood are never fully experienced until your child is fast asleep.” No matter how amusing this may sound, but it’s the ultimate truth. Trust me!

A familiar question that many women face a lot of times is “Were you prepared to be a mother?” Well, to that my honest answer would be “No, you dumb fool. I wasn’t prepared! And this was certainly not an examination where I could gulp down a few books, page by page, and act all geared up for the new phase of my life.”

I would definitely love to say that out loud, but maintaining my sangfroid, I’d have to say that you’re never really prepared for it. Perhaps, if you had it your way, you never will be.

And I was no different as far as the preparation task went. I was as unprepared as anyone could be.

I wasn’t prepared for my body to change and suddenly start producing enough milk to feed an entire town. I wasn’t prepared for those sleepless nights where I had to wake up every two hours to feed, change nappies, clean poop and then feed again. And the cycle went on and on. I wasn’t prepared for the hair fall I went through. I wasn’t prepared for the ache in my back that came from constantly bending to pick up my child and then carry him around until he fell asleep. I wasn’t prepared for a child who wanted to be in my arms constantly. I wasn’t prepared for the spit-up that would sporadically cascade down my neck and chest when I was least expecting it. I wasn’t prepared to sing songs, dance on those and make him taste variety of food beyond milk. I wasn’t prepared for the months and months of running around because, between worrying about my professional escalation, domestic chores and listening to my son scream, I hadn’t been blessed with sleep. And I definitely wasn’t prepared to be thrown-up on the moment that I finally did drift off to sleep.

And I wasn’t prepared for how much I would love him from the moment he was handed over to me.

I wasn’t prepared for how he would fit so perfectly in my arms, no matter how much he grows. I wasn’t prepared for the feeling that would rise up in my chest and completely overtake me as I watched him take his first breath, his first smile, his first sneeze, his first sleepy giggle. I wasn’t prepared for his little fingers to wind their way through mine, and then for us to snuggle up holding hands. I wasn’t prepared for how he would curl up and coil in my hands while giving a lazy stretch often. I wasn’t prepared for this most beautiful pout every time he wanted to poop. I wasn’t prepared for how worried I would be about him when he had cold and couldn’t breathe easily. I wasn’t prepared for how much I would ache for him when he is sick or hurt or afraid. I wasn’t prepared for the pride that would well up inside of me whenever he managed to achieve some new feat – no matter how small. I wasn’t prepared for his big, beautiful smile or his infectious little laughter. I wasn’t prepared for his excitement he showed by clapping his hands and feet together, every time he saw me.

And I definitely wasn’t prepared for how immediately he would love me. Me! He loves me – for no other reason than the fact that I am his mother.

And suddenly I understand. I understand that fierceness that drives a mother to give everything she has for the good of her child. I understand that gush of adrenaline that enables mothers to defy logic and science, simply because, in that moment, their child needs them. I understand the desire to change the world, to move entire mountains and whole continents and even planets in the galaxy, in order to make the world my child lives in, a better place to be.

It just feels like yesterday, this child – this perfect little munchkin, who was just a couple of cells inside my body, this miracle of nature who just barely came into being – has changed me. In just ten months, he has taken a woman who had spent 29 years constructing herself, living only for herself, and completely transformed her into someone new. He has made me even stronger than before. He has made me, a mother.

I thought motherhood was going to be something I could study up and prepare for. I thought reading all the books and quizzing people around would be just what I needed to get ready. I’ve never been happier to be so wrong.

Motherhood simply happened because he was in my arms and I wasn’t the least bit frantic.

Happy ten months Reyansh !

Reyansh Deshmukh

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Hemal’s Bday Gift

Dear Hemalicious,

..Wow.. I never thought it would be so difficult to write something about you. You are… Oh My God!! Hemal it’s really difficult to write something nice about you. Every time I start a sentence my fingers automatically start typing about the annoying person that you are. And then I still continue. So here it is.

Well I originally wanted to write you a blog about why you’re my best friend and saturate it with all the generic reasons, but I’m not going to do that because you already know why you’re my best friend, duh! If you didn’t, we probably wouldn’t have remained friends all these years. Ten years? Thirteen? I actually have no idea.

To begin with, you are a weird creature with so much of energy that it’s just impossible to make you sit down peacefully without doing or thinking anything. If you, me, Priyanka & Shruti had to be in a room, I can definitely say that Shruti and I can stay quiet but YOU and Priyanka will not be able to shut up even for an entire minute. Like, you’re that restless in life. But nonetheless, your illogical and sometimes extremely wise talks are always too much fun to hear. Gossip is like fuel for you and it’s always fun to do that with you. You can go all out if we have to criticize something or rather someone and that too with negligible guilt feeling. And I have to mention your amazing talking skills. Dude you can like kill with your talks. If someone has to pick a fight with you, they are definitely in store for a lot of TRAAS as they have to hear you talk hysterically in Angrezi using all the vocabulary that you developed right from childhood. Your arrogance and one liner sarcasms are to die for. Yes, I’m actually praising this quality coz it’s fun to see the person at the receiving end be so speechless after listening to you. I know that there is definitely a giving person underneath that selfish, self obsessed and a snobbish Hemal that we all know. You love to walk around with that arrogance on your face with one eyebrow raised so high that it can jump out of the forehead anytime. You can never give a teeth-showing-smiling picture as it’s against your pose-for-photograph etiquettes. I don’t understand what’s with that look..!

On a serious note though, you are quick witted and a fun person to be with. You’re a complete spoilt brat when it comes to being the centre of attraction amongst everyone around and a total sweetheart too. You are blessed with beauty and brains and of course the power of INTUITION. I can rely on your intuitions anytime as you have always been right. As friends for so many years, I guess amongst the 4 of us, you and I have been through all kinds of ups and downs in our friendship and have still maintained it, which for me, is commendable. OK You can’t take the credit alone. You have been there for me through thick and thin and have always supported and respected me and my decisions regardless.

You were my ticket to clubbing always and it was always too much fun to have those amazing night outs with you. Of course, my dad always sent me partying with you solely because we used to highlight that your BIG BROTHER Nijesh and our lovely BHABHI Nidhi are also coming along to keep an eye on us. It would take another blog for me to discuss their babysitting skills. And I cannot complete this blog without mentioning how your MOM always said this one thing with tremendous frustration seeing all if us during those days.. “Ghor Kalyug Che!!” It was always fun to hang around at your place when we had nothing better to do during college. And I also recollect those days when you used to fight with practically everyone at your place you come over to my place and stay until someone came to pick you up again. Yeah, you were such a drama queen. But yes, you have mellowed down a lot and I guess it’s the KUNAL effect on you. Kunal…dude…it’s really commendable how well you tamed your pet. Great work!

Well, I need to end this bloody blog as I can go on and on about you. I just want to thank you for not judging me when I did something really stupid, but also thanks for telling me I was an idiot and probably shouldn’t have done the stupid thing. Thank you for always being honest and for always knowing who I am and reminding me of that when I forget. Thank you for being an amazing annoying person that you are. Yes I still love you in spite of the acquired SoBo feel to your personality.

I can definitely say that no matter how much I love to hate you, but I cannot imagine my small friend circle without you. Cheers to my best friend & best foe of all time and here’s wishing you a very happy 29th birthday!!

Yeah I’m sorry but I had to mention the number for deriving sadistic pleasure. 😛

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Chingad Mingad

I’m sure every family has certain super special recipes which are famous among friends and relatives and with years of practice it actually becomes easier for you to cook and please guests. Same was the case with me. I was already six months old into marriage when I discovered that my husband and brother-in-law, Nikhil simply love this once recipe that my mum-in-law (MIL) makes. She makes amazing food and  is a great host when it comes to food.

Well, it’s called “Chingad Mingad”, name courtesy – Nikhil Deshmukh. And I would not want to get into the reason of why he named it that.

Anyhow, so I tried this for the first time and loved it too much. And since I knew that The Man loves it too, I had to make sure I learn it as it might come in handy anytime. Ahh.. such is married life!! You always need to keep your weapons ready coz you never know when you might need them. And cooking skills – my friends – is ONE of the very important weapons.

Yes… so I observed my MIL make this and I discovered this amazingly tasty SECRET masala that she puts in it. It’s like a god sent masala for all the non-veg one intends to make and is a must in kitchen especially if you want to have authentic MARATHA food. It was one of those precious gifts that MIL gave me. Like how we have a ‘pushtaini’ or a ‘khandani’ piece of jewellery that’s passed on from generations. Let me tell you, it was more than just that.

Ok..so here’s that recipe. Specially for all my friends who loved it. First, things you need to cut and keep ready are as follows:

Cut 2-3 Onions into thin long slices along with roughly chopped Dry Coconut.

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Then have some chopped coriander leaves, some coriander seeds, 1-2 stems of green chilli, roughly chopped ginger, some cloves of garlic. Now garlic can be more or less depending upon one’s fondness for garlic. In my house, it’s used in abundance.

Take 2 tsp oil in a pan / tawa and put the sliced onion in it. Fry the onions till they are slight brown. And try not to burn them. It’s happened with me, more than once…hence the precautionary note.

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Now, in the same pan / tawa, fry roughly chopped dry coconut and coriander seeds till they are slightly brown.

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So now you have all the ingredients for the curry masala ready to go in the grinder.

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Put all the above ingredients into the grinder along with little water and grind it into a fine paste.

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Now that your curry masala is ready, heat some oil in a pan and put this masala in. Stir the masala with the oil slowly and cook it for sometime…say 5 minutes or so.

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Once the masala starts leaving a little bit oil in the pan, you add all the dry spices to it.

1 Tsp Turmeric Powder, 2 Tsp Coriander Powder, Salt to taste, Very little Garam Masala – I add this a bit coz it’s the one my mum makes at home. Yeah, tats true…married women tend to find everything from their mum’s home priceless, and 1 Tsp Red Chilli Powder – Now make sure you don’t add too much of this red chilli powder coz you already have 1 green chilli in it and the SECRET masala still has to go in it, which by the way has its own spicy flavour.

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Now, it’s time to add that SECRET masala. By the way I forgot to tell you guys that its actually called ‘Kotimbiri Masala’ and you won’t find it everywhere. Well even if it was available elsewhere, you think I’d let out the family’s secret. No ways!!

Yeah, so add 2 Tbsp of this masala to the pan and mix well. It forms a beautiful colour and gets darker as you stir and cook it more.

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A beautiful aspect of being a woman, is that you never like to waste even little bit of any paste in the grinder. I’m sure most of our species, be it younger or older, always put water in the grinder, stir it well and then add that water to make the egg curry gravy in the pan.

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Now…for the main part of the curry – Chingad Mingad (The Scrambled Eggs). I’m sure everyone knows how to make that, but let’s have a quick glance through that.

Heat a little oil in the pan, break 4-6 eggs in the pan and DON’T  scramble them too much and make it into a bhurji. Make sure you let the eggs remain in a slightly larger size chunks.

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Add chingad mingad to the gravy and bring it to boil. Keep it on a low flame and slightly covered for another 5 – 10 minutes.

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Add coriander leaves for garnishing and then serve hot  with chapati / roti / fulka and you can also eat it with rice.

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Hope you enjoy making ‘Chingad Mingad’ as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you guys.

Please leave your comments and do let me know if you try your hand at it. And probably then I would start taking orders for distributing this SECRET masala.

Cheers!!

Remember, It’s Not Personal!

No matter how great YOU are, at some point you’re going to find someone who hates YOU – and who’s not afraid to let you know.

This can be incredibly disheartening for someone who has poured their heart and soul in making themselves the way they are today. They have gone through their ups and downs, experienced all the happiness and tragedies of life and have become what they are with the learnings at each step.

Some people will love YOU, some will hate YOU, and almost everyone will have an opinion they want to share with you.

Listen with an open mind but ALWAYS remember that it’s not personal.

Tujhya Vina – Eka Lagnachi Dusri Goshta

I am sure there are many songs that each one of us connects with and those songs usually are in a language that you understand thoroughly. Marathi for me is my second mother tongue now – meaning post marriage. And I started listening and watching Marathi songs and movies in a desperate attempt to be accepted at my In-laws.

But honestly, today I have fallen in love with this language and now I do have a list of songs that I simply love listening to when I am in that romantic I-miss-my-husband- kinda mood.

So here’s a song from a daily soap that used to air on TV in 2012 – Eka Lagnachi Dusri Goshta.

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I picked up a lot of Marathi and the style of talking from here too, apart from all the other Marathi speaking people I keep aping.

Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina

Bhas ka ha tuza hot ase mala sang na
Lagate odh ka sarakhi ashi sang na
Zalo anolakhi maza malach mi
Vate mala ka vyarth sare sang na
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina

Bhas ka ha tuza hot ase mala sang na
Lagate odh ka sarakhi ashi sang na
Zale anolakhi majhi malach mi
Vate mala ka vyarth sare sang na
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina

Umajun sare jari khel ha mandala
Tarihi kasa sang na jeev ha guntala
Umajun sare jari khel ha mandala
Tarihi kasa sang na jeev ha guntala
Zale aata jari hote jase mani
Ka he badalale arth sare sang na
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina

Vaat hote majhi tujhi jari vegali
Sobatichi tari aas sang ka lagali
Vaat hote majhi tujhi jari vegali
Sobatichi tari aas sang ka lagali
Firuni punha nave nate mala have
Jeev tutato ka ha asa re sang na
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina

Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina
Tujhya vina tujhya vina