Embracing the change called Motherhood

“The joys of motherhood are never fully experienced until your child is fast asleep.” No matter how amusing this may sound, but it’s the ultimate truth. Trust me!

A familiar question that many women face a lot of times is “Were you prepared to be a mother?” Well, to that my honest answer would be “No, you dumb fool. I wasn’t prepared! And this was certainly not an examination where I could gulp down a few books, page by page, and act all geared up for the new phase of my life.”

I would definitely love to say that out loud, but maintaining my sangfroid, I’d have to say that you’re never really prepared for it. Perhaps, if you had it your way, you never will be.

And I was no different as far as the preparation task went. I was as unprepared as anyone could be.

I wasn’t prepared for my body to change and suddenly start producing enough milk to feed an entire town. I wasn’t prepared for those sleepless nights where I had to wake up every two hours to feed, change nappies, clean poop and then feed again. And the cycle went on and on. I wasn’t prepared for the hair fall I went through. I wasn’t prepared for the ache in my back that came from constantly bending to pick up my child and then carry him around until he fell asleep. I wasn’t prepared for a child who wanted to be in my arms constantly. I wasn’t prepared for the spit-up that would sporadically cascade down my neck and chest when I was least expecting it. I wasn’t prepared to sing songs, dance on those and make him taste variety of food beyond milk. I wasn’t prepared for the months and months of running around because, between worrying about my professional escalation, domestic chores and listening to my son scream, I hadn’t been blessed with sleep. And I definitely wasn’t prepared to be thrown-up on the moment that I finally did drift off to sleep.

And I wasn’t prepared for how much I would love him from the moment he was handed over to me.

I wasn’t prepared for how he would fit so perfectly in my arms, no matter how much he grows. I wasn’t prepared for the feeling that would rise up in my chest and completely overtake me as I watched him take his first breath, his first smile, his first sneeze, his first sleepy giggle. I wasn’t prepared for his little fingers to wind their way through mine, and then for us to snuggle up holding hands. I wasn’t prepared for how he would curl up and coil in my hands while giving a lazy stretch often. I wasn’t prepared for this most beautiful pout every time he wanted to poop. I wasn’t prepared for how worried I would be about him when he had cold and couldn’t breathe easily. I wasn’t prepared for how much I would ache for him when he is sick or hurt or afraid. I wasn’t prepared for the pride that would well up inside of me whenever he managed to achieve some new feat – no matter how small. I wasn’t prepared for his big, beautiful smile or his infectious little laughter. I wasn’t prepared for his excitement he showed by clapping his hands and feet together, every time he saw me.

And I definitely wasn’t prepared for how immediately he would love me. Me! He loves me – for no other reason than the fact that I am his mother.

And suddenly I understand. I understand that fierceness that drives a mother to give everything she has for the good of her child. I understand that gush of adrenaline that enables mothers to defy logic and science, simply because, in that moment, their child needs them. I understand the desire to change the world, to move entire mountains and whole continents and even planets in the galaxy, in order to make the world my child lives in, a better place to be.

It just feels like yesterday, this child – this perfect little munchkin, who was just a couple of cells inside my body, this miracle of nature who just barely came into being – has changed me. In just ten months, he has taken a woman who had spent 29 years constructing herself, living only for herself, and completely transformed her into someone new. He has made me even stronger than before. He has made me, a mother.

I thought motherhood was going to be something I could study up and prepare for. I thought reading all the books and quizzing people around would be just what I needed to get ready. I’ve never been happier to be so wrong.

Motherhood simply happened because he was in my arms and I wasn’t the least bit frantic.

Happy ten months Reyansh !

Reyansh Deshmukh